


The Hard Road to Recovery

by DaniCarli



Series: ETNuary Challenge [26]
Category: Escape the Night (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Best Friends, Break Up, Breaking Up & Making Up, Confessions, Crying, Death, ETNuary, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Escape the Night Season 4, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Forgiveness, Friendship, Guilt, Hope, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss, Loss of Trust, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Men Crying, Mental Breakdown, Nightmares, Post S4, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Recovery, Regret, Remorse, Sad, Sad and Happy, Survivor Guilt, Trauma, bretman has a lot of guilt and trauma, it gets worst before it gets better, lose a friendship to fix it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-26
Updated: 2020-01-26
Packaged: 2021-02-27 09:07:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22414477
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniCarli/pseuds/DaniCarli
Summary: In order to heal from his PTSD, Bretman must make a hard choice and endure a harsh meeting before he may return to his home in Hawaii
Relationships: The Playboy | Bretman Rock & The Troublemaker | Nikita Dragun
Series: ETNuary Challenge [26]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1588867
Comments: 7
Kudos: 11





	The Hard Road to Recovery

**Author's Note:**

> Day 26 of ETNuary: Bretman Rock

His bags are packed, he’s got his plane ticket, and the Lyft is on its way. Soon, Bretman will finally be back home in his native Hawaii, surrounded by family and peace, and begin his healing process.

It wasn’t a hard decision for the beauty guru. He needs to do this, he needs to leave Los Angeles. There’s too many reminders here that haunt him.

Of course, his stomach is doing somersaults, the anxiety surging through his body. Bretman thought that he was ready to do this next part. But now that he’s face to face with Nikita, every part of him wants to bitch out right away.

“Bretman, honey, I understand,” Nikita sadly stares at him, her nails digging into the leather couch, “but we can work this out. After everything you did for me last year, I can do it for you too!”

“Bitch, you don’t get it,” Bretman tries to stay calm, not wanting to raise his voice and start an argument. That’s the last thing he wants between the two of them. He doesn’t want their last exchange to be a heated fight. “I can’t stay here anymore. It’s too much and the nightmares are getting worse. I want to go home and recover there. I never even liked L.A.! It’s loud, dirty, and it’s filled with sketchy bitches. And it brings out too many things that remind me of what I went through and I can’t be in a place that reminds me of Joey, Purgatory, Rosanna-”

“Me?” Nikita’s voice cuts through like a knife, her eyes displaying sorrow and remorse.

_Whelp, there it is!_ Bretman dreaded this part of the conversation, but he isn’t going to lie to her.

It’s been two weeks since that night and he still can’t get passed it. He tried to move on from what happened, believing it would go away, that he and Nikita would work things out and recover easily. At least it was only one night and not three months like the others. But it was easier said than done.

When Nikita invited Bretman to go on a rescue mission to Purgatory to save some dead bitches, he was all for it. She hyped it as a “party” and that there would be cute boys; how could Bretman turn that down? What he got instead was anything but that. 

In an instant, everything went to shit. Bretman ended up trapped in Purgatory with Joey Graceffa, who he later discovered was actually the one responsible for most of these people’s deaths. Following that, he and the others realized that in order to escape, they had to get a Cosmic Sphere, locked in some vault, that required nine jeweled keys. But in order to get each key, they had to literally fight each other to the death in some creepy final challenges. Oh, and there was also the ticking clock that would turn them all to ash and send them to Hell if they weren't out of that place by sunrise to top it all off! 

Bretman’s life turned upside down in a snap. This went from a fun rescue mission to a terrifying survival mission, and he refused to be a casualty in this sick game. He didn’t sign up to sacrifice himself, he didn’t owe these bitches anything! In the end, he did manage to survive and escape with only one dead guest, Colleen Ballinger, while Joey disappeared back into the Museum of the Dead without any explanation. 

While thrilled to be alive, that night broke Bretman. In one night, his innocence was lost and he was left with severe trauma, guilt, and blood staining his hands. And none of that would have happened if it wasn’t for his so-called best friend.

“Sis,” Bretman sighs, pinching his nose, trying to find his words. “I _tried_! I wanted to get past this and act like everything is Gucci between us. But it’s not! You _told_ me it was going to be an epic rescue mission, like out of an action movie, saving cute boys and looking like hot bad bitches! Instead, I ended up in a horror movie surrounded by blood and death, watching people die, _barely_ making it out of there myself!”

Nikita takes a deep breath, as if holding back tears. “Bretman, you _know_ how sorry I am and how much I regret that! I was a dumb bitch to get you involved and I can’t even describe what I would _give_ to take that back!”

“I know,” Bretman exclaims, feeling his own tears. “And girl, I do know how sorry you are; you made that _very_ clear to me. But while I forgive you, I’m having trouble with the forgetting part. My life ain’t going to be the same anymore. I may have survived that Museum of Horror, but I lost a part of myself that I'll never get back! Every time I close my eyes, I can still see their faces, their deaths so vivid in my mind. Nikita, _she’s_ still in my nightmares every fucking night. I see her everywhere I go when I’m in this damn city!”

The female beauty guru lowers her head, remorse shadowing around her makeup-clad eyes. Of course she knows who Bretman’s talking about. Even now, he can still hear Rosanna’s horrifying screams, memories of the dinosaurs tearing her apart in the Prehistoric exhibit on replay in his head. Joey and Colleen looked away and shielded their eyes, unable to take in the gruesome scene. But Bretman forced himself to watch the innocent cinnamon roll be killed. He’s part of the reason she died, so he didn’t deserve to look away like a coward. Thinking about it now, it makes him sick at how cruel he was to the Socialite, how he’s now a murderer like Joey.

“Sweetie,” Nikita’s comforting voice interrupts his thoughts, her hand on his. “What happened to Rosanna, it was horrible! But you have to understand-”

“ _Don’t_ , bitch!” Breman snaps, swiping his hand away. He jumps off the couch and paces the floor of Nikita’s apartment that he has lived in since her “rescue” last July. “I know what you’re going to say and don’t you _fucking_ dare! You may be able to make excuses and justify what _you_ did to survive, but that’s one thing you and I _don’t_ have in common!”

A tense silence falls between the two friends. Immediately, Bretman regrets saying that last part as he spots the hurt on Nikita’s face. But sadly, it’s the truth.

“Rosanna and Alex gave valid reasons to pick Joey over me in Arabia, I know that now!” Bretman explains. “Yes, I had all right to be upset and angry at them, but in the end, I didn't even die! Homegirl Fatima saved my ass! Obviously, they were sorry, the remorse was very much on their faces. That should have been enough to let that shit go!”

While hurt that two people he called friends chose him to die, Bretman can’t blame Alex and Rosanna for their choice. It’s true, it was Joey’s rescue mission and he was the only one to get them out. As for Alex, Joey _did_ volunteer to take his place and he would have looked like an ungrateful bitch if he chose Bretman. In hindsight, Bretman would have done the same thing in both their positions.

“But no!” Bretman remorsefully continues. “I _had_ to be a selfish petty bitch! I had to hold a grudge against the two of them, all because they didn’t pick my story! How fucking dumb is that?”

Bretman can feel his body shaking, almost hyperventilating. Yet, he forces himself to remain calm.

“I laughed in Alex’s face when he lost, I was _glad_ he was going to die! And yet, homeboy was actually at _peace_ with it! He may have had his bitchy moments, but at the end of the day, he was more honorable than I’ll will ever be!” Alex was indeed a good guy, given his faults, and he took his death with dignity. For some reason, that makes the beauty guru feel even worse.

“And Rosanna?” Bretman chokes back tears. “She was an angel! So kind and loving, just wanted all of us to be a united group! But I wanted her gone for thinking that I was expendable. So when Joey decided to put her into the final death challenge rather than save her, I jumped at the opportunity! I didn’t even care that Colleen was targeting me for voting for her hours ago because in the end, I was going to beat Rosanna and get my revenge! But as soon as I won, as soon as I got what I wanted, I saw her face!”

As soon as he read that ritual chant, it sealed the Socialite’s fate, and he regretted it so much. But it was too late. Against velociraptors, there was no way he would be able to save them both. So like a selfish coward, he just grabbed the key and ran away, leaving the small girl to be feasted on. For the first time in a long time, Bretman hated himself. He held a grudge against a kind and loving girl, and this was the consequence. His actions have left him with a Mark of Cain that will forever be branded into his soul.

“It’s all my fault Nikita!” he starts to cry. “It was Joey’s fault too, but I am just as much to blame! I killed an innocent person out of spite and now her blood is on my hands! I have to live with that and it hurts! And the worst part? I have to lie to my family about it! I have to hide this stupid-ass secret from them, make up some bullshit to explain why I be acting weird! I ain't never lied to them in my life, so I don't know how I will do it now! Hell, I don’t even know if I’ll be able to hold Cleo anymore!”

Bretman’s little niece appears in his mind, her beautiful sweet face smiling back at him. She was the main reason he fought so hard to survive and now, he isn’t sure if it was worth it. How would Cleo react if she found out her beloved uncle is a murderer? Would she be scared of him? Would Princess, her mom and Bretman’s sister, allow him anywhere near the little girl? Just the thought breaks his heart.

Even after everything he's been through and done to survive, how will Bretman be able to hold Cleo, give her kisses, tell her that he loves her when his soul has been tainted and his hands filthy with the blood of another beautiful, sweet girl? 

The beauty guru is so angry. He wishes none of this had happened. He wishes he just said no to Nikita, he wishes so many things. But that’s the thing about wishes, they are never what they appear to be.

Bretman turns back to Nikita, who has tears rolling down her own face. This is all so complicated, it makes the young man nauseous. He loves his girl so much! She’s his best friend, his platonic soulmate, his ride-or-die bitch! But a part of him now resents her for putting him in danger like that, for getting him involved in this mess. Even when she came as a Guardian Angel to "help", all she ended up doing was making things worse for him. 

“Bretman,” Nikita finally speaks up. She stands up and stands close to him, love and desperation surrounding her figure. “I’m _so_ sorry! If I had known that any of this was going to happen, I would have _never_ invited you, I would have never put you in that kind of danger! Bitch, I shouldn’t have even brought you along in the first place! Joey made it clear and I should have listened! And I will never forgive myself for that! What's worse is I should have known better, especially after losing-”

The female beauty guru stops herself, taking in a deep breath. She adjusts herself, a resolve and acceptance in her posture. “But after everything you told me, I understand if you need space. And I also understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore.”

“Jesus, that’s not it, Nikita!” Bretman groans. “I _still_ love you, and again, I know you’re sorry! And I _do_ want us to remain friends! I want us to go back to the way we were, but we can’t do that if we’re together. We tried to make this work, but bitch, it ain’t working!" 

Bretman takes Nikita's hands into his, feeling her acrylics touch his skin. "I need to go home and be with my family, I need to recover from all this so that I won’t lose my goddamn mind! If there’s space between us, we can work on being friends again because at the end of the day, you’re still my girl, my soulmate! I want us to still be best bitches.”

“I do too,” Nikita responds, a small smile on her face. "So take all the time you need! I’ll be waiting for you when you're ready.”

Bretman shakes his head, letting go of his best friend's hands. _She still doesn’t get it!_ “No bitch, I don’t want you to wait for me! If we’re going to get through this, if we want to be friends again, we _both_ need to look in the mirror and see if we like what’s staring back at us!”

Nikita stares at him, now confused. “The hell is that suppose to mean?”

Before Bretman can respond, his phone dings, signaling that his Lyft is here. He picks up his bags and looks at his best friend once more. “You’re a smart bitch, you figure it out.”

He gives a final nod and makes his way to the door.

“Bretman!”

The male beauty guru stops, trying not to cry. Yet he refuses to look back.

“I love you,” is all Nikita can say.

While he wants to say it back, he knows he can’t. It will only stop him from moving forward.

“I’ll call you when I’m ready,” is the last thing Bretman tells Nikita before he opens the door and exits the apartment. As he walks down the hall and towards the elevator, he could swear he hears Nikita crying. As much as he wants to run back, hug her, tell her they’ll get through this, he can’t. Not this time.

If Bretman wishes to fully heal, he needs to make hard decisions that will be painful. He needs to clear the air if he wishes to move forward.

He makes it outside where his Lyft is waiting. As the driver helps put his bags in the trunk, Bretman checks the YouTube trending page, looking for his video that he put up yesterday so that he can check his progress. As he scrolls, he comes across a video by the Game Theorists that’s also trending.

_Need to clear the air._ It clicks in his head instantly. 

“Excuse me, sis!” Bretman calls to the Lyft driver. He quickly does a Google search for an address. Once he finds it, he shows it to the driver. “I know I said LAX, but is it possible you can take me here first?”

The driver looks at the address and what’s there. While confused, she nods her head. “Yeah, it’s a little out of the way, though, and what time’s your flight?”

“Don’t worry about that,” Bretman assures her. “I’ll pay you extra, I just need to get to this place, please.” His flight is in two hours, but he can always book another.

“Alright then, let’s go!” the driver shrugs as both get in. She logs in the new address into her GPS and the two take off.

Bretman’s nerves bounce as he taps the window sill. Is he sure that he wants to do this?

_Yes, bitch, I do! I owe it to both of them!_

“If you don’t mind my asking,” the Lyft driver asks. “Why do you need to go there? What's at that place?”

Breman folds his lips, a resolve within. “Just something I need to take care of before I move forward.”

**Author's Note:**

> Look at that, this is my third two-parter that I will continue after ETNuary! It's a doozy but it will be worth. Truth is, Bretman would resent Nikita for getting him involved and would want space to recover. Don't worry, they will so be friends once the healing is done, they just need time.


End file.
